How do two weird people meet?  Is it written in the stars? Is it cosmic fate?  Did she trip and fall landing on his dick?  No, no, no not destiny child ,but this crappy system  OkCupid devised to rate people.  Percentages don’t matter unless your name is A Rod and you have tested positive for steroids.  There is no rhyme or reason I think they need to add a new icon called Chemistry and why not it is all about the Chemistry. Oil and vinegar emulsify ,but separate after a while. I am looking for Gasoline to my fire.  Ok it can get dangerous if there are other combustible around ,but I think that it is fun. Warning some one should have flam retardant near.  When there is fireworks who wants a fizzle I can get a 7Up for that.  I am talking about electric. And no I am not looking for Coyote and and Roadrunner action Meep Meep. The real thing babe or maybe the right thing. Right now. OK 5 seconds of fun besides the point.  Come on we remember that old saying opposites attract but what happens when you end up with a feet licking weirdo. I am not talking about Gonzo. Yeah, you know who you are.  Or some one that has an Oedipus complex and thinks it is an eatable complex.  Does that exist????????  The world will never now and at this point I suggest that potential couple that are either homicidal killer looking for victims or knock off of Norman Bates get a little Im section. That lets them go on mock dates to see it the chemicals between them are not just vinegar and baking soda.  If the sparks fly and there is a powder keg there then we know that it is all systems go.  Let the launch sequence begin and hey they can skip the the first date and have a meeting in the bed room.  How is that for being thrift in a struggling economy?

Guess we all don’t get that fairy tale and it’s getting a little Grim.  Where the hell is Shrek at when you need him?  Keep in mind I am no Fiona but I would like either him or Prince Charming.Where the hell is my fairy godmother and do I get one and the pumpkin.  Ok ,I need a car.  Looking for rats to complete the set.  That never seems to happen I end up with a frog and warts and you know how long it take to freeze those off.  Damn is this thing on mic check.  Resting testing.  I don’t mean for some one to swoop with a fat wallet and a fast car.  Those are hints of a mid life crisis and those guys are too old for me.  They could be my father like Dark Vadar was Luke’s.  Although that deep breathing turns me on when I close my eyes I wonder how hot his breath was.  EWWW Tic Tac.  No that I have established that I need a hero who are the likely to qualify for the position ill take a handicapped midget at this point.  No disrespect to the little people or those who ride the shot bus.  Can a I get some lovin.  I’ll take 5 minutes and a Guinness  at this point and it don’t drink. But who gets that anyway.  I am not damsel in distress and nor have I ever claimed to be.  I slay the dragons my self.  So I don’t need a hero I need a side kick a Robin to my Batman. The Clark Kent to Superman that is a multiple personality disorder but an man in a body hugging suite and a cap sexy.  No strange as hell.  I will resort to having a daydream of men and knights that have regal armor and defend the towers and castle of maidens.  What the hell did I say that no.  I’ll settle for the postman with a hard on and a packed that needs to be delivered post hast if you get my drift.  FYI we don’t need to be rescued. We can with stand child birth.  What other animal besides a catfish can bleed for 7 days a month for half their life and still out live the male species.

When do men have emotions and egos are so easily bruised?  You might as well call them chicks with dicks.  What is your male function?  Mommy issues,Daddy issues, the ex girlfriend, the wife, or could it be they are a social retard.  Well in most case may be they are retards.  I would love to meet and idiot savant ,but do I get that know.  I get guys that want to pour they heart out on the dance floor.  When I would prefer that they drop there pants in the bedroom.  When did you guys become sensitive. God damn!  They don’t make men like they used to not too.  I guess rolls reversed since Mr. Mom is taking over and like Jay Z on to the next one.  Freeze! Can someone bring me back guy form the 80’s please.  Fuck it ill take a Thunder cat even with Liono and all his hoes.  I don’t want a He Man and fuck Enrique Hero ballad I need a real man .  Fuck Mary J’s Real love ,but ill take a part time lover.  What the hell? I Wonder like Stevie could all you guys be blind to the fact that They are pussy’s.  I guess I might stroke you until you meow.  I want something to get into my cat and I am not talking about friskies.  So where have all the real men gone?  Well they tend to do that in sixty seconds or less.  In all honesty whey did guys stop being as hard as rock and turn into jello.  Minus the Bill Cosby funny face.  I need a Rosetta Stone to decipher your emotion.  I know we are irrational creatures after bleeding for half of our life we tend to be a light light head discombobulated if you will.  What is the excuse about you guys?HUH?  What blue balls and misplaced erections?  Apparently One head need to work more then the other that tends to be the problem?  In my opinion they both seemed t be over worked and that is shame your dick should never super nova.  Then where will you be oh yeah Viagra watch out for the heart attack.  That is what guys are looking for the fairy tale wow some guys are Mr.  Sensitivity and that is great for a girl with Rapunzel ambitions.  For the Rough and tumble gal she need a guy like Jack to her Jill that can take a fall and keep moving.  Then laugh about it with mother goose.  So a  guy can be nimble and quick can hop over a candle stick and then their crotch is on fire.  So Lindsy someone is waiting for you to as long as you can stop baking cakes or doing line of coke.  What the hell is that on her shoe?????????  The world will never know.  Like Pink ain’t dead yet.  I ain’t gay yet.  Save the Gals. Save the world.  Sometime girls it helps if you are a cheerleader!!!!!!!!!!!!!  With all that said with a bag of chips i guess i should get to the meat of this.  If you watched Pokey’s then you know what I mean.  So where does this leave me set adrift in the sea of online dating.  To face the slings and arrows of outrageous nerds and social retards.   So her we go lets dive in and see what not to do when chatting with the women.  Well me not your average bear.  Insert boo boo joke.  Get your scuba gear your gonna get wet!!!!!!!!!!!